Irrational Fears

What Scares You?

Fuck You, Lisa Timmonds

Written By: Anthony Luciano

Yeah. You read that right, Lisa. Fuck you. Every time we used to make eye contact, you would look disgusted. Sometimes scared, even. If I was walking in your direction in the halls at school, you would change course. You would go out of your way to avoid me. Sometimes you would be late to class for this very reason. Whenever I waved to you in the parking lot of the local grocery store, you would hurriedly unlock your door, climb into your car and speed away. I've even seen you leave a cart full of groceries behind.

So fuck you, Lisa Timmonds. All I ever wanted to do was love you. Be close to you. Make you smile. But you would never let me. And now, you have no choice but to smile. No choice but to let me hold you close. You can't fight me away any more. Can't run or look disgusted when I look into your eyes. You still looked scared at first. But since you've stopped screaming and crying, you've become more pleasent. For a short while, I almost didn't want you in my spare bedroom. You were so ungrateful.

I'm writing you now because they are coming to take me away. They may take you away as well. But I'm hoping that if they do, they can bury you with this letter. Bury you with it as a reminder of how much I love you. How much I care for you. I may scream and yell sometimes. I may have refused to feed you some days. But you stopped eating after a while. I never did anything to hurt you.

I loved you, Lisa Timmonds. And I hope they can understand that and speak of my feelings for you at your funeral. I hope the judge will understand that I was just trying to love you. Be close to you. Make you smile. And that you brought the initial pains on yourself. Had you just let me be there, none of this would have been necessary. You ruined my life. You ruined OUR lives.

Fuck you, Lisa Timmonds. From the bottom of my heart.

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